Personal Statement

　　I lay on the bed in silence as the tears covered my face. Just now, father and mother told me that they would divorce. Although I had been well aware that it was inevitable, my heart went cold when they spoke out their decision. Mom tapped on the door lightly, asking me out for dinner. The longtime pent-up emotions eventually burst at that moment. I roared at her. “Why break up?” “Have you ever considered my feelings?” “Why can’t I have an intact family like other kids?” Mom did not response, just weeping dumbly. In the coming days, my parents were always trying to talk with me about the reasons why they divorced and their future plan for me. I shunned such talks and shouted at them over and over again. The stalemate lasted for three months, and after the dissatisfaction and resentment subsided, I finally got myself prepared for a conversation with parents. It was a cozy conversation, not between parents and kids, but between friends. They frankly threw out all their minds and assured me repeatedly that their affection for me would not decrease after breakup. I was touched by their words and accepted the fact at last. I lived with mom after they ended the marriage. Nevertheless, dad often came here to see me, bringing a few delicate gifts. On weekends and vacations, we three would always go out for traveling. Parents gradually cured my trauma with their sincere love and I, who was ever heartbroken because of a separate home, felt very lucky to have such nice father and mother.

　　点评1：第一段讲了自己无法理解父母离婚一事，虽然跟社会学研究有关，但是，这个故事可能会有一个负面影响 – 显得申请者本人不够成熟稳重。父母离婚在美国当今社会来说再正常不过的事情。如果是10岁大的孩子，他无法理解父母离婚可能比较正常。但是，对于一个即将读硕士的成年人来说，不能接受也许是一种不成熟。后续文章中虽然能看出来她父母离婚是很早的事情，但是，文章第一段无法看出时间节点。

　　另外，这段话有些的内容完全可以用两三句话来说完，不需要用一整段的内容来描述。毕竟研究生申请是一项非常严肃，严谨和正式的事情。所以，语句必须精简，能减则减，能简则简。

　　而且，大多数的Statement of Purpose写作中，直接入题非常重要。第一段里面只是讲了一个故事，并没有提半点学术目标，申请意图。这个不太符合西方人的逻辑思维。

　　I was born in 1987 and belong to a group called “post-80s”， who were born after 1980s. The growing up of this generation coincided with the upheaval of Chinese society. They enjoyed more fruits of the economic development than their elder generation and witnessed the dramatic changes in every aspect of our country. I am a girl who was sensitive to the surroundings from a very young age and like observing and thinking alone. I was in junior high school when my parents got divorced. In order to make them get together again, I searched and read a plenty books and articles about divorced couples online and in library. I failed to make it. However, in the process I learnt that their broken marriage was not only a matter of affection, but also could find its root in a society experiencing sharp transition. Before the reforming and opening-up era, couples who intended to put an end to their marriage would hesitate when confronting the invisible huge pressure from Chinese traditional mindset which considered divorce a shame. This concept has changed totally due to the rapid growth of economy and progress of society. On the other hand, wealthy and well-educated parents have the ability to cope with the negative effects on their children and reduce the effects at a minimum level. The concern about this issue prompted me in part not any longer to impede my parents’ break-up. At the same time, it also led me to learn some basic knowledge about sociology. In high school, I read a lot of sociological works and started to think and analyze social problems in the wake of economic development, such as the increasing income gap between rich and poor, the strained relations between average people and local officials, and the plight of migrant workers, etc. After admitted to the prestigious XYZ University in YYYY, I chose sociology as my major without hesitation.

　　点评2：从学术角度分析父母离婚的这一段体现申请者的理性分析能力，求知欲等。这些都是很有价值的信息，也是录取委员会希望得到的信息。

　　I am going to graduate next summer and in retrospect my college life was splendid and meaningful. I got good-records in academic performance, which always put me in the top 20 percent of my class. I joined the student government and other campus associations and participated in various extra-curricular activities. In the party to celebrate the new year of YYYY, I performed a self-produced stage play that was well welcomed by spectators. I often went to communities and rural areas on summer and winter vacations to investigate and research some hot sociology topics. In September YYYY, a thesis based on my research results of summer vacation is going to be published on the XYZ Journal which is a leading publication of its kind. I even worked as an intern for the major local newspaper of XYZ Morning Post and released numerous news and reports. During the four years of my college, I was offered the academic scholarship twice and awarded the title of “Excellent Student” once.

　　点评3：这一段里面的问题，可能是大多数申请者在写作SOP 的过程中犯下的问题，就是罗列简历内容。一般来说，班级排名，课外活动，实习这些简历中一目了然的信息，无需在SOP 中重复叙说。这个无非就是充字数，浪费可贵的平台- 一个无法用数字和简历体现的信息平台。当然，这些经历中得到的可贵的心得，由此产生的影响是完全可以写的。

　　Pursuing a graduate degree in America is a goal I set at the beginning of the fresh year in college. America has the most developed sociological studies in the world and is home to many prominent sociology masters, such as Immanuel Wallerstein, Harold Lasswell and Talcott Parsons. The academic atmosphere here is liberal and rigorous, which is of extreme importance for the cultivation and growth of talent. In addition, the philosophy, culture and level of development between China and U.S. have a lot of differences, which inevitably affected the scholars of our two countries when they are doing researches. Hence, furthering my education in America could in a measure promote the understanding and exchange of two cultures and methodologies. In an absolutely different environment, I will obtain a unique perspective to work on sociology in terms of studying American society as Chinese or explore China’s development with Western doctrine and theory.

　　The rapid growth and prosperity of China offers me a good platform for personal development. After graduation from your university, I will come back to China with the most up-to-date knowledge of sociology which surely serves me well in observing and researching social problems in my country. And I am looking forward to contributing to the progress of Chinese society in my own way.

　　全文点评：

　　Social Work 和 Sociology 是两个完全不同的学术领域，前者更注重应用，后者则偏向于理论与研究。申请者在开始写作SOP 之前，应该更多地了解自己要申请的专业。即便是同一个专业，在不同的大学的专业设置和培养人才的方向可能相差十万里。

　　因此，文章中的一小败笔为，将这两个专业混为一谈。社会工作这个专业更注重于应用，提倡一种社会关爱问题。是一个经济学，教育学，社会学，医疗，哲学，政治，和心理学的交叉学科。因此， 申请者应该更多地叙述自己对于“社会工作”这个领域的热衷，理解，潜质， 成就，与职业发展的规划等严谨的学术和人生规划问题。而不是泛泛地解说为什么申请这个专业，并且泛泛地罗列课外活动等。

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